


Not Alone

by TheIndifferentDroid



Series: Prompts [3]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lots of it, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIndifferentDroid/pseuds/TheIndifferentDroid
Summary: Based on the prompts: “Tell me what’s wrong.” & “You’re not alone.”





	Not Alone

“Something’s wrong.”

After the hour or so of silence during your session, Kylo’s deep voice shook you. You lost your concentration for a split second, allowing Kylo to disarm you and take you to the mat.

He walked away, frustrated, as if the spar had ended with his defeat, not yours.

“Something’s wrong,” he spoke again, louder, his voice booming through the otherwise empty training room.

“Yeah. My ass is on the ground.”

He stopped pacing the room and looked at you, eyes squinting, mouth a thin line. “You know what I mean.”

You rolled to your back and kicked up to your feet. “I’m not sure I do.” You stuck out your hand to summon your weapon that had slid across the room - a measly wooden stick for this session - and began pacing around Kylo once it had returned to your grasp.

“Y/N, come on. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.” You steeled yourself, building up the walls of your mind. You couldn’t let him in.

Kylo was quiet for a moment as you continued to circle him. He gracefully turned where he stood making sure you were never behind his back.

Suddenly, you struck, aiming for his knees. Kylo deflected the hit. It was standard, easy. Like you two were playing a game. Anything to get his mind off of you.

And it seemed effective enough. The two of you went tit for tat over the next few minutes, taking turns attacking and deflecting. It was simple enough at first, but the defenses you built up in your mind were beginning to affect your body. You became defensive, getting in extra hits with your stick, out of turn and spiteful. Kylo could feel the anger that flowed out of you with each swipe at him, but he couldn’t tell if it was actually him you were attacking, or something inside yourself. It felt too familiar.

“You’re awfully combative,” he spoke through labored breaths. Sweat beaded down his temple, and his hair stuck to his forehead and his cheek in a few places.

“We’re sparring, aren’t we?” You flashed as genuine a smile as you could while defending yourself.

There was no way you should have been landing your hits on someone like Kylo – he’d taught you well but he was still better than you – so when he finally noticed your extra efforts, he responded in kind, backing you up against a wall in seconds.

He brought the faux saber down in an attack above you, and your raised your weapon up quickly to deflect him. The sticks met just above your head, both of your bodies shaking with resistance.

“Y/N.”

“Kylo,” you responded through gritted teeth.

“Tell me what’s-”

“Nothing’s wrong, okay?!” With a forceful grunt, you threw him off of you, and he landed on his back a few feet away. You cursed under your breath but loud enough for him to hear.

You began to storm off towards the showers, throwing the staff across the training room floor. The doors felt miles away, your feet seemed like they weren’t even moving. Time had nearly stopped. Your face was hot, eyes burning. Then your feet did stop moving, your body no longer responding to your mind, and you slouched against the wall. Silent sobs racked your body.

“Y/N?”

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and you violently shook it off. “Don’t! Don’t touch me!”

“Y/N,” Kylo pleaded.

You turned around to face him. You could only imagine what you looked like. Face sullen, drained. Eyes wet and red and angry. “What?” you asked, exasperated. “What?!”

When his eyes met yours, you broke. Your silent sobs were inconspicuous no more. You doubled over, releasing every emotion you had been working to hold back, not just in the session, but over the past months, years even. You weren’t sure.

Moments passed in a blur. You half-heartedly shook off his arms as he tried to comfort you, eventually giving in to the tight embrace of his arms wrapped completely around your body, trapping your arms against your sides. The action was more restrictive than comforting, but it had a calming effect on you just the same. Once your breathing had somewhat evened out minutes later, Kylo’s grip relaxed, he rested his chin over your shoulder, and began rubbing his hands along your back.

“I can feel it,” Kylo spoke softly. “The hole in your chest. You feel distanced. Alone.”

Kylo spoke as if he was in your brain. You knew what the Force could do, but this was beyond that. He was speaking from experience, from pain.

“I don’t tell anyone this, but,” he paused, a contemplative sigh pushing his chest against yours. “I miss my family, too.”

Your body shuddered at his words, at how true they were. It hit you like jutting into hyperspace. Your world had slowed to a stop, and Kylo had set it in motion again, too quickly. It was too real. You hadn’t admitted it before, even to yourself. But he was right. He knew, somehow.

You felt his hands squeeze tightly around your shoulders. “You’re not alone. Okay? You’re never alone. Not while I’m here.”

Face pressed against his chest, you nodded slightly, still unable to speak.  Kylo slowly slid his arms away from your back and placed his hands on your shoulders, holding you at less than arm’s length. You could feel his eyes on you, and you hesitantly met his gaze.

It struck you how those eyes - his big, beautiful, golden eyes - hid so much anger and hate behind them. Kylo was much more complex than you had ever imagined him to be. You figured it was no accident, no slip of the mind that he let you see into him like that.

“Go get cleaned up. You won’t want Snoke seeing you like this.”

Suddenly self-conscious, you wiped at your eyes, trying to rid your face of the tears, but you could feel how puffy your eyes were and the heat beneath your cheeks.

“Meet me at my quarters. Nineteen hundred hours. And we’ll talk about…” He trailed off, not wanting to set you off again. “We’ll talk, okay?”

You nodded silently again, and turned away before he could say anything else or give you another look that said too much. Walking slowly to the exit, you were still shaken up, but you felt lighter, somehow, like having someone else understand what you were going through had eased the burden. Maybe you just needed a little help to get by. Even if it came from the most unexpected of places, you’d take what you could get.


End file.
